Chances are, you either know someone who’s been divorced or you yourself have been divorced. I have been. Twice. And I just have to say it’s sad that in this nation, the divorce rate is somewhere in the 50% range. Even for Christians! (there’s a LOT I could go into about the reasons for that, but I won’t!) I do believe that marriage is a Sacred and Holy Union between two people before God. I also understand some of you may not agree with that statement and that’s your right.
But the focus of this article is on how divorce can affect those of us who are self sufficient or who prep for a worse case scenario. Our choice of lifestyles can present some pretty uncommon situations when we’re faced with a divorce.
Let me start by saying that I am not an attorney and this article is not about giving legal advice. Heck, I haven’t spent the night in a Holiday Inn in decades. This article is solely based on my experiences or those around me who have went through this ordeal as well. Always seek the advice of an attorney before deciding on any form of action. Laws vary from state to state and from country to country.
The Best Way to Deal with Divorce Is To Prevent It In the First Place
That’s a pretty simple statement, but it’s true! If you’re into the prepper lifestyle and you meet someone who isn’t, the last thing you want to do is rush into marriage. I’ve seen a lot of people who think it would be “nice” to live a prepper or self sufficient lifestyle, but when they actually tried it, they quickly discovered that it wasn’t for them! And the old saying of “If Mamma isn’t happy, no one’s happy” was probably coined by someone living a self sufficient lifestyle!
Pre marriage counseling is very important for couples. Even for those who’ve been through a few before. Come to think about it, it may be those of us who’ve been through a few marriages who need it the most! I highly recommend a good Pastor who has experience in counseling couples.
Another thing that may help preppers about ready to tie the knot is a prenuptial agreement. I have to admit, I’ve never had one of these. Never thought I’d need it! Even if you don’t have much to begin with, you never know where life may take you. What if you won the lottery? Or you worked a few decades to build up a nice little self sufficient farm? Do you really want a Judge determining what happens to it and who is to get what? I’d hope not.
And for crying out loud, don’t get married in hopes of the person you’re in love with will change! If they don’t like the site of butchering goats and chickens now, chances of them falling in love with this isn’t real great! If your partner-in-love loves to sleep in late and enjoy a life of luxury, then getting up at 5 a.m. milking goats or cows, feeding chickens and attending other chores all day long until 11 p.m. probably isn’t the life they envisioned. I don’t care how much they say they “want it”. The best thing for the both of y’all is to let them experience what it is to work all day, or to care for sick animals, etc. Their little dream of being “Self Reliant” may just evaporate quickly!
Divorce Happens and the Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men Sometime Fail
Sometimes bad things happen even to good people. I can’t tell you the number of good people I’ve seen go through divorce. And I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen one or the other party come out way ahead on a divorce simply because one or the other had a better attorney or biased Judge.
If all else fails and you find yourself headed to Divorce Court, then I’d highly suggest trying to work out a settlement between the two of you. Head the Matthew’s advice in Matthew 5:25 “Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. ”
While you may not end up in prison, it may feel like it if everything is taken away from you! Basically what this verse means is that it’s better to work out a settlement between the two of you rather than let a Judge do it. You never know if that Judge got up on the wrong side of the bed that morning or just doesn’t like your attorney. Yeah, that happens!
Even if it means conceding a few things you want, it’s generally better to give in on a few things than risk letting the courts decide your fate. In my recent divorce, my ex-Wife wanted a good portion of our food storage. She knew what we had, so it wasn’t like I could tell her that it didn’t exist. We went through our storage and bargained for this or that. In reality, it wasn’t so bad as a lot of stuff she wanted wasn’t stuff I liked. And even if it was, I figured that it was better to let her have a few things rather than fight over trivial items and end up in court fighting it out. I can always buy more grain and food.
Generally Speaking, Attorney’s are Snakes in the Grass!
I only say “generally speaking” because I’m sure somewhere, some place, there’s a good attorney. But I’m equally assured that it’s one of the few left of it’s kind and probably on the brink of extinction!
Having said that, beware of your Attorney. I don’t care how much you think they’re helping you. They’re in the business of making money from you and they’re good at it. They’ll suggest you do this or that just to rack up your bill. Wanna call and chat about your case for 15 minutes? Sure, they’ll start the clock! Wanna send them a letter or have them fax you a piece of paper? You betcha! There’s a fee for that!
More than one attorney has caused a case to get out of control just so they could collect extra fees on the extended case! If you’re satisfied, or nearly satisfied, with your Spouses settlement, then don’t let greedy attorney’s talk you into an action that will jeopardize a quick settlement!
I’d also suggest to make sure your attorney isn’t friends or even acquainted with your Spouse’s attorney! If you can’t figure out why, then there’s little hope for you! I’ve heard of too many instances where both attorney’s collaborate to increase the billable hours for each side.
Is it any wonder lawyers were outlawed in early America!?
Again, I can’t stress enough how important it is if you and your Spouse can come to some type of an agreement among yourselves!
Things Not To Do In A Divorce
I have to laugh when I hear people in a divorce who try and hide stuff from the other one. Oh, you’ve only been married 15 years and you’ve attended every gun show together, of course the other one doesn’t know you have 25 AR-15′s stashed around the Homestead! Only a truly ignorant person would go and try to hide money, guns, supplies or anything else from the other one.
Because if it’s every discovered in court, then your credibility has just went down the drain! And they will account for a lot when the Judge is deciding who get’s what.
Oh wait, you can sell them off before the divorce! Yeah boy! HaHaHa! Woe to the one who thinks this tactic will work! I can see it now “Yeah Judge, I sold all 25 of my AK’s at a gun show for $25 a piece.” In some cases the Judge will say your stupid for taking a loss on the fair market value of your guns and assess the real value against you in the judgement. Boy, you showed them!
I have intentionally avoided talking about Kids. It’s a shame the Kids have to pay for the actions of their parents. Divorce is hell on kids and I don’t care what you say. It affects them negatively even if one spouse is mean to them.
Anyways, a few things about your Children. Never talk bad about your Spouse to them. It will make you seem smaller in their eyes. Remember, they love you both and when one starts trash talking the other, it just diminishes you in their eyes. Yeah, believe me, I know it’s tough not to talk about your good for nothing spouse in front of them, but it’s their parent you’re talking about!
Also, never tell your plans to your Children! Sure, they may keep a secret, but chances are they won’t. Especially if a Judge has them in chambers asking them questions! Just remember the old WWII saying, “Loose lips sink ships” or put in another way “Loose lips gets your homestead and food stash taken away!”
Never, ever accuse your kids of helping the other side. Even if they slipped up and told them something they shouldn’t have. See the above rule. If you want to get angry at someone, get angry at yourself for telling them!
Finally, when it’s all said and done, even if you lose everything, maintain a great relationship with your Children! Ultimately they’re the ones who matter the most. Homes, land, food, guns, money…all that crap can be replaced. Your kids can’t! They’re your real treasures!
